<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>It’s Not Your Fault by Visionsofdazzlingrooms</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508738">It’s Not Your Fault</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Visionsofdazzlingrooms/pseuds/Visionsofdazzlingrooms'>Visionsofdazzlingrooms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Blue Bloods: Episode Fix [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>blue bloods</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>4x13, Comfort, Corporal John Russell, F/M, Linda comforts Danny, Talking, Unfinished Business, Whiskey - Freeform, danny watches early MTV shows, episode fix, expansion, request, season four episode thirteen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:47:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Visionsofdazzlingrooms/pseuds/Visionsofdazzlingrooms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Danny’s mental health starts suffering during a case, will he reach out for help? On the home front, can he repair the damage he’s caused? When his thoughts start to get too loud, will his wife be able to help him see the light?</p><p>Requested by @ancilla89</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Danny Reagan/Linda Reagan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Blue Bloods: Episode Fix [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Making Amends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancilla89/gifts">ancilla89</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Brief mentions of suicide, hence the T rating. Also probably cursing, cause Danny does that A lot.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had been right- of course she was right. She was always right about him. She could read him like a book;  she knew when he was upset, when he was keeping something hidden. She knew when he was taking a case too personally and when he needed a mental health day. </p><p>Stupid mental health. Who knew it'd be such a pain in the ass? Danny didn't, that's for sure, and when he found himself at his desk, at an unknown hour, with all those loud thoughts, he briefly wondered if he'd be better off if he had taken that nose dive all those years ago. </p><p>Danny didn't budge when Alex Dawson placed a cup of coffee on his desk. He didn't budge when the doc sat down. He had no idea how long he stared at the wall ahead, or how long Doc had been softly talking to him. </p><p>What seemed like days later, the detective finally spoke up. "I need to call my wife. My kids."</p><p>Alex nodded, "yes, you do. Why don't you go home instead? So they can see you. Know that you're okay."</p><p>"They don't want to see me." There it was- the self hate. The self hate Linda had helped him turn into self love. The self hate he could now recognize, and could now push aside. </p><p>"Yes, they do. Danny, they love you. Unconditionally. They'll forgive you."</p><p>"No," he scratched at his cheek and felt moisture. How long had he been crying? When did it start?</p><p>"Yes. Come on, I'll drive you home."</p><p>Danny reluctantly stood up, but still protested. "My car..."</p><p>"You can get it tomorrow. It'll be fine here. You need to go home. To your family."</p><p>Danny nodded, not registering the cold night air hitting his hot face. </p><p>***********</p><p>Linda paced the living room. She knew she should be asleep, but she couldn't help herself. She was seeing what the case was doing to Danny, and she was worried sick. He had yelled at Jack for no reason, had yelled at her, and multiple family members through the course of the case.  She saw how it was tearing him apart mentally. She saw the determination she knew so well, but she also saw that same raw fear she had seen all those years ago....</p><p>When she saw headlights coming into the drive way, she sat down on the couch. Why was she trying to be nonchalant when she hadn't heard from him in hours? She had called Frank, asking if he knew where Danny was at. Frank had been short with her, telling her Danny was going to be okay. </p><p>"But he's not fine at all." She argued, only to get another 'he'll be okay', and a quick 'I gotta go.' Something had changed between her and her father in law, and she wasn't sure what it was. What had she done?</p><p>As soon as Danny walked through the door, he was met with Linda nearly knocking him down with the force of her hug. She kissed his cheek multiple times, and sighed in relief. When she saw the car drive away, she was confused. </p><p>"Who was that?"</p><p>"Uh, Alex Dawson."</p><p>"Friend from work?" She'd never heard of that name. </p><p>"You could say that."</p><p>"Danny, what's wrong?" Linda heard a strained tone in his voice, as if he was speaking around a lump in his throat. </p><p>He led her to the couch, holding her hand. "I, uh... I owe you an apology."</p><p>"Danny-"</p><p>He put his free hand up to silence her, "I do. I... you were right. With the case and- it was getting to me. And I- Corporal John Russell killed himself tonight." He hung his head. </p><p>"Oh, Danny, I'm sorry." She rubbed his back in soothing circles. </p><p>"I saw it. I tried to keep him from jumping.... I couldn't."</p><p>"That is not your fault." Her voice was firm. She wasn't letting him go down that path of self blame again. She laid her head on his shoulder, hoping to give him more comfort. </p><p>He ignored her, resting his head against hers. "I owe you an apology. I didn't want to hurt you."</p><p>"You didn't, Danny." That was a lie. It had hurt when he yelled and called her a pathological snoopy nose, prying in everyone's business. </p><p>"No, I did. I'm sorry I called you those names." He lifted his head, prompting her to look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"</p><p>"Of course." She kissed him for reassurance, and intended to pull back, but he persisted. The kiss was desperate, a silent call for help, and she vowed she do anything to help him. </p><p>"I need to talk to Jack."</p><p>"Tomorrow, honey. It's too late now. He needs his sleep. You do too."</p><p>"And you." He only now just noticed the sleepy look to her. </p><p>She nodded, "we'll make amends in the morning."</p><p>*********</p><p>"I missed you last night," Jack smiled at Danny over the breakfast table. </p><p>"Jack-" Danny started, but Linda interrupted. </p><p>"Sean, why don't you eat in the living room?"</p><p>"What's wrong with here?" He was the only one that hadn't been yelled at. </p><p>"Just go," she pushed him to the living room, sitting on the couch with him. </p><p>"What's wrong?" Jack knew if his brother and mother left, the conversation would be heavy. </p><p>"I wanted to apologize for yelling at you the other day. For getting annoyed. You didn't deserve it."</p><p>Jack wanted to agree with his dad, but Linda had told him a little about the case, and how it was effecting Danny. "It's okay, Dad. You were mad."</p><p>"But I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."</p><p>"That's okay."</p><p>"It's not okay!" Why was he getting annoyed?</p><p>"But it is!"</p><p>Linda was quickly in the kitchen, "Jack-"</p><p>"No! It's okay, Dad!" He stood up, desperate to have Danny agree with him. "It is! It really is." He walked over to where his Dad was sitting, and gave him a big hug. "I forgive you."</p><p>Danny hugged him back, his eyes on Linda. She smiled softly and went back to the living room with Sean. She hoped Danny would bounce back like he always did, but she had a feeling it'd take a little more time this time around.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Rough Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For Ancilla89, who wanted some good ol’ fashioned Linda comforting Danny. And as the resident crazy Danny/Linda fan, I accepted. This is not at all what I had in mind, but I think it’s better than the original thought. </p><p>Also, thank you, ancilla89, for getting me straight with the dates! I’m terrible at those. Anyways, onto the fic!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Why had he expected to sleep that night? He had apologized to Jack, to Linda, to Baez... everyone he snapped at, and they immediately excepted the apology. Which they shouldn't have done, because he didn't deserve to be forgiven. He rubbed his eyes and cursed his reflection in the mirror before walking into their bedroom. </p><p>"I thought you had maybe fallen in," Linda joked as Danny got into bed next to her. </p><p>He had to say something, maybe something witty, but all he could come up with was, "your Dad tell you that too?"</p><p>"No, I heard it from Erin, who said Henry told you kids that when you were young."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>Linda chewed her lips before asking the simple question, "Danny, are you okay?"</p><p>He turned to her, "of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"</p><p>Frank had texted her before the annual Reagan Men Manly Camping Trip, giving her a warning about what danny had said. She knew this case was particularly rough for her husband... but at least he was only snapping at people and not eating proper meals. She's much rather have him do that than hit the bottle or one too many Tylenol pills. </p><p>"Because of the case... do you want to talk?" Linda asked carefully, watching him in the dark room. </p><p>"No. I'm okay."</p><p>She didn't believe him, not for a minute, but let it go for the time being. She stroked his cheek, "I'll be ready to listen when you're ready to talk."</p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>"I love you, Danny." She shifted closer to him. </p><p>"I love you more."</p><p>"I love you most." Linda kissed him goodnight, and held him tightly, hoping to chase away the nightmares she knew would come. </p><p>**********</p><p>After not falling asleep at all (which he supposed is better than nightmares), Danny found himself on the couch with a glass of whiskey. He knew getting drunk wouldn't solve a thing, but it did sound very tempting, so he placed the bottle on the table as well. He turned on the tv, looking for something mindless. The repeated sports events would wake him up further, and he really didn't want to watch an infomercial on sex toys and how they make it so much better. </p><p>Linda didn't know he went to Corporal Russell's funeral, and he wasn't so sure he wanted her to know about it. His Dad had been more understanding than he'd thought; Frank let him stay at the family home until late, when the rest of the Reagan men were due back home. No one except Frank knew Danny came back early for the funeral. </p><p>After flipping through all the channels, he sighed and put it on Route 66, a tv show from the sixties staring Martin Milner. He had never really watched the show, but he liked Martine Milner in Adam-12, so he gave it a shot. The show was kind of mindless, and had he been laying down covered with a blanket, he could’ve fallen asleep. He was sitting up, though, lost in thoughts of how he had done absolutely nothing to save Corporal Russell. Surely it was his fault Russell had to die- he didn’t do his job properly or very well. Because he had had jumpers before- like the twenty five year old model- that he could easily talk down to safety.</p><p>“You failed Corporal Russell,” Danny told himself in disgust. “Him and his family. Now his kid will grow up fatherless.”</p><p>***********</p><p>"Fill 'er up."</p><p>Danny nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Linda's voice suddenly next to him. He let her put her hands on his shoulders, "sorry, you just... surprised me."</p><p>"I didn't mean to." She shoved her glass into his hand, and he gave her a questioning look. "Everybody needs a drinking partner, babe." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. </p><p>He filled her glass, still confused as to why she was sitting next to him with bed hair in the wee hours of the morning. </p><p>"I bet ya wonderin' what I'm doing here." She took a sip of the amber liquid, letting it burn her throat. Linda was never one for whisky- she much preferred a fruity wine. </p><p>"I didn't mean to wake you."</p><p>"No, honey, you- you didn't." Linda's tone changed immediately, from fake sultry to concern. "I woke up myself. I was having a weird dream; something about Joey McIntyre as a leprechaun with a rainbow pony..... How long have you been down here?”</p><p>Danny glanced at the clock, “an hour or two,” although it felt like an eternity and a day. </p><p>“How come?”</p><p>He shrugged and simply told her, “couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>She watched him gulp the rest of the whiskey in his glass then refill it more than two fingers worth. "Will you come to bed?"</p><p>"No." His voice was strained from the tearful lump in his throat. </p><p>"How come?"</p><p>He stood up so quickly that he knocked her off the couch, and she landed on her rear with a thump, hitting her elbow in the coffee table in the process. She wanted to laugh (she had hit her funny bone of course), but she knew that wouldn’t not help at all. She quickly stood up, waiting for an explanation. </p><p>Danny didn’t give her one, though, as he stared at his reflection in the dark mirror. “You should go to bed.”</p><p>“You too.” Only now she realized the contents of her glass had spilled onto her pajamas, and she smelled of a distillery. How she hated that smell!</p><p>“I’ll stay here. You go sleep.”</p><p>“I need to go shower. Change at least.”</p><p>He looked to her, confused. Why would she suddenly need a shower? Did she feel filth around him?</p><p>“You- when I fell, I spilled whiskey on me. I hate the smell of it on clothes and people.”</p><p>“You want to shower to get the smell away.”</p><p>“Yes. Will you come? You... don’t have to come in the shower with me. Just in the bedroom.”</p><p>He really didn’t want to, but he complied and followed her up to their bedroom. He watched her pick out fresh pajamas and head to the bathroom. </p><p>“I’ll be done quick- fifteen minutes.” She left him in the room with a quick kiss to his lips. </p><p>***********</p><p>When Linda came out of the bathroom, smelling like oranges and fabric softener, Danny wasn’t in the room. She frowned and checked in the boys’ rooms, knowing he often went in there when things were bothering him. When he was not in the boys’ room, she started to worry. She padded downstairs and found him on the couch, staring blankly at the tv screen which now had Ricky Ricardo once again telling Lucy she couldn’t be in his show. </p><p>“Danny?” She made him aware of her presence, knowing he could accidentally hurt her if she just touched him. She stood at the other end of the couch, giving him space. “Honey?”</p><p>“It’s all my fault.” Danny’s voice was quiet and full of pain. </p><p>Her heart broke. “What was?”</p><p>“Corporal John Russell.”</p><p>“I told you that wasn’t- he wasn’t your fault.” She cautiously sat next to him. </p><p>“Yes it was.”</p><p>“No, honey, it wasn’t.”</p><p>“It was!” He insisted, the held back tears finally spilling out. He cursed loudly, tossing the remote onto the couch cushions. It bounced off the soft surface and onto the floor with such a clatter, it made Danny jump and flee to the window. </p><p>“Danny!” Linda stood too, and waited a beat to see what would happen. She quickly prayed he wouldn’t have a flashback. When he only cursed again- this time quieter and weaker- she walked over to him. “Danny, look at me. Look at me.”</p><p>He lifted his head, not quite meeting her eyes. His vision was bleared with hot, angry tears. He felt little comfort from her warm hands on his upper arms. </p><p>“Did you push John Russell off the roof?”</p><p>There was a pause before he asked, “what?”</p><p>“Did you push him off the roof? Did you say to yourself, ‘Y’know what? I’m gonna push him off the roof’.”</p><p>“No.” What the hell kind of questions were those? Of course he didn’t push the Corporal!</p><p>“Then it’s not your fault-“</p><p>“But it is! I didn’t do anything to stop him!” His voice was getting louder the more frustrated he got. Didn’t Linda understand?</p><p>“You tried to talk him down, didn’t you?” When there was no answer, Linda repeated her question. “Didn’t you?”</p><p>“Of- of course.”</p><p>“Come on.” She took his hand, but he stood stiff. “Come on.”Her voice was firmer, and she got him to move to and sit on the couch. “You stay there. I’m going to the kitchen to get some ice water and Tylenol sinus.”</p><p>Danny turned to watch her zip about the kitchen, quickly getting the desired items. He felt the teeniest bit better when she sat down again, handing him the thermos of liquid. He took a long sip, and admitted it felt good against his hot throat. </p><p>“Danny, I know you won’t believe now, and unless you’re really sinking, I’m not going to rehash it. But you did not force Captain-“</p><p>“Corporal!” He looked at her almost offendedly as the tears quietly slowed down. </p><p>“Corporal- I’m sorry.  You did not force Corporal John Russell to his death. You just didn’t do it!”</p><p>He didn’t believe- not just yet. Maybe once the grief was over, and he could see Russell as the Marine that had been, he’d see her point. At the moment he could only see himself not doing a thing to help. </p><p>“When you’re ready, I’ll be ready.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“To talk! But right now, I want you to drink that water slowly. Do you have a headache?”</p><p>He shook his head, he didn’t get headaches from crying- she did. </p><p>“Okay. You and I are gonna sit here and enjoy some Lucy while you finish that water.” Linda curled her feet up under her, and tucked herself into Danny’s side. She linked her arm through his, affectively trapping him next to her. </p><p>By the time the water was gone and I Love Lucy was over, it was six o’clock. In an hour, they’d have to get the boys ready for school then go to work. Danny was able to convince Linda to join him in his shower, suddenly need her near him. </p><p>Ten minutes into the shower, Danny apologized. “I’m sorry I kept you up.”</p><p>“I chose to be kept up.” Linda’s answer was short. “But even if I didn’t, I would tell you the exact same thing.”</p><p>“What’s that?” He ran his hands over her shoulders, lathering them with soap. </p><p>“That I love you. Dark thoughts and all.”</p><p>He moved his hands to her front, hugging her to him. He felt his body respond, “I love you too.”</p><p>Linda turned around, draping her arms on his shoulders and clasping her hands behind his neck. She leaned into him and simply kissed him. “I hope today will be a better day for you.”</p><p>“It’s been peachy so far.” He answered sarcastically. </p><p>“Okay, but the dark hours don’t count. This is the start of the day. Just me an’ you. Naked. In a shower.”</p><p>He kissed her this time, and it quickly became heated. When they pulled apart, he asked, “how long have we been in here?”</p><p>“Certainly not more than twelve minutes. Maybe fifteen.”</p><p>“What time do the boys have to be up?”</p><p>“Seven-ish.” She knew what he was alluding to, “we can make it if we hurry.”</p><p>**********</p><p>During dinner that night, Sean innocently asked his Dad, “did you have a good day at work today, Daddy?”</p><p>Danny didn’t miss the quick glance Linda had given him. He figured it was a warning glance- if his day was Crap, he’d have to lie about it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to, “uh, yeah. It was good.”</p><p>Before Sean could ask more questions- he always wanted all the information- Linda changed subjects. “I hear that someone has a basketball game this Friday.”</p><p>“Oh yeah! We’re really good this year!” And as Jack started to divulge into the advanced plays and which boy was the best point shooter (none of which Linda understood a word), Danny looked over to her and mouthed a ‘thank you’. </p><p>She smiled and winked, hoping Danny wouldn’t have any more cases as tough as this one in a long, long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Talk To Her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another chapter because Ancilla89 sometimes pours gasoline on my Lindanny* fire. And it tends to spread...</p><p>*Lindanny is Danny/Linda’s ship name if you haven’t picked up on that yet</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week had passed since the camping trip, and Danny hadn't talked to Linda about the case. He wasn't even going to- not with the boys at home. When their friend invited them for a sleepover, their dad drove them to Harry's house. On the drive back home, the detective was listening to the '70s station on satellite radio, when the song War came on. He had always hated that song, so he switched over to the '80s channel. The song that was playing was Pat Benetar's Love Is A Battlefield. He usually liked that song, but the war song had got him thinking about Fallujah, and he didn't need anymore distractions while driving. He switched over to the CD and smirked when the soundtrack to CATS came through the speakers. Linda had used his car last, obviously; he decided if two songs almost brought him to frustrated tears, he really needed to talk to his wife.</p><p>*********</p><p>Danny stood behind Linda, hugging her gently. He rested his chin on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "What's for dinner?"</p><p>"Chinese food- I hope you weren't expecting a romantic night. I've been feeling gross all day long."</p><p>He moved to stand next to her, and picked up the box on the counter. "Hence the double fudge brownie mix."</p><p>"I said gross, Detective, as in a headache all day long. I've only now just gotten rid of it." She moved the bowl with the brownie mix inside to the other counter and started pouring it into the dish. "What did you want to talk about?"</p><p>"I didn't say I wanted to talk."</p><p>"But you do. I've been living with you since 1996- '95 technically."</p><p>"We weren't living together in '95," Danny interrupted to argue. "We just usually ended up in one bed, sleeping together. But minus all the fun stuff."</p><p>"Semantics aside," she bent over to put the glass dish in the preheated oven. She turned the timer on for thirty five minutes and turned to Danny with a hand on her hip. "Just like I know Jamie's got the hots for that partner of his, I know you want to talk about that case."</p><p>Linda grabbed her glass of Barq's root beer and headed to sit in the couch. Danny grabbed a beer as she did so, "wait what? Jamie and- and Janko?"</p><p>"Yup." She sipped the carbonated drink almost triumphantly. </p><p>"How do you know?" He sat down next to her. </p><p>"I'm a woman, Danny."</p><p>"Don't I know it!"</p><p>She smirked, "plus I picked up on the not so friendly vibes coming from those two."</p><p>"Maybe you misread them."</p><p>"No, no, those two are totally digging on each other. But you and I, we digress. So..." she put her glass down on the table behind the couch and guided Danny to lie with his back against the couch. His head in her lap, she started, "now. Tell Dr. Reagan what's the matter."</p><p>"You're not a doctor."</p><p>"Danny," she sighed. "It's been a week, and it won't do you any good to keep it in any longer. You said that you thought it was your fault. How come?"</p><p>He sighed, knowing he should talk about it. "I don't know, Linda."</p><p>"Maybe you're thinkin' by saving him, it'd be making up for your buddies that didn't make it home. Sorta... fixing those unfortunate mi- um, events.”</p><p>He sat up and stared at her for a moment before walking around the table and gesturing at her. He stopped and waved his hand again, trying to think. He hadn't even been talking seriously with her for a minute, and she immediately hit the nail on the head. How could she do that? She hardly knew anything about the case or his thoughts, and she just immediately figured out what he was thinking. </p><p>"Danny, you're scaring me." Linda had no idea what he was doing, and maybe scaring wasn't the right word, but it got his attention.</p><p>"You're good."</p><p>"You mean I guessed right?" She paused before going on, "do you want to talk about that?"</p><p>"I should, shouldn't I?" He sat back down, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Does it make any sense?"</p><p>"I suppose so. But I'm not supposed to be the one talking." She playfully poked him in the chest. </p><p>“Deep down, I know I didn’t cause him to jump. I didn’t point a gun to his head and say ‘jump’, and I didn’t push him.” Danny didn’t really look at Linda as he spoke. “But my brain isn’t agreeing with that just yet. It’s convincing me otherwise.”</p><p>“You just have to tell it to shut up. Turn off the channel.”</p><p>“I know.” He removed his arm from her shoulders and sat forward, glad Linda hadn’t sat up with him. She’d probably think his thinking was ridiculous. “I... lied.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“On- on the official report, I wrote that Russell was coming down, but he slipped and fell. I.. didn’t want his wife and kid thinking he took the coward’s way out. That he didn’t love them anymore.”</p><p>Linda watched him turn his head slightly, signaling he wanted an answer. “That’s... honorable.”</p><p>“Honorable? I f***ing lied!” He sounded disgusted with himself. </p><p>“Yeah, but that’s like saying a soldier is MIA, even though you saw him get killed with your very own two eyes.”</p><p>“How?” Danny hated how his voice cracked slightly. </p><p>She scooted to him, gently putting her hands on his arms. “You did it for his family, just like the soldiers do it for the families. I probably would’ve lied too.”</p><p>“Do you think that’s a sin?” He finally looked to her, wanting to see her answer in her eyes. </p><p>She thought about it for a moment, tilting her head and moving her eyes about and blinking. “No.”</p><p>“I still think I didn’t do enough.”</p><p>“They didn’t do enough.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Honey, Russell didn’t get the care he needed. He didn’t see a psychologist or get on the right medication, he was just living.... are you feeling guilty ‘cause you were there too?”</p><p>He didn’t say anything, only sighed. He rubbed his eye, trying to banish the tears. But of course, they came silently anyways. Linda shifted to sit in his lap, hugging him tightly; he leaned against the couch cushions, holding onto his wife. </p><p>Linda didn’t know what to say to convince Danny none of it was his fault. She thought she was almost there, but then she had to ask that question. Maybe the tears were just a delayed reaction; he refused to think about it because he couldn’t think about it. </p><p>“Ugh, sorry.” Danny apologized after the tears had stopped.</p><p>“Don’t be. I know Corporal John Russell didn’t get the help he needed- maybe it wasn’t available to him, for whatever reason. But it’s available to you.” Linda waited for him to look at her; he did so with a sort of questioning look. “Danny, you have a gaggle of people to talk to. You’ve got me, Erin, Jamie, Frank, Henry. That’s just your family. You can talk to Gormley, or Maria even. And that doctor who you saw for anger management.”</p><p>“Dawson.”</p><p>“Yeah. Him. And hell- you can even talk to a wall for all I care! Just as long as you’re not holding in any of those feelings. Okay? Will you promise me that? That you’ll talk to someone who cares for  you when you start feeling weighed down?”</p><p>“I promise.” Danny was going to try to talk to someone when he felt like he was drowning. </p><p>“You don’t have to carry the whole world on your shoulders, sweetheart. Everyone around you is strong enough to help.”</p><p>He kissed her, “thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” She leaned forward and grabbed the takeout menu from the table. Opening it up and giving him one side of the paper, she asked, “now. What do you want to eat?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked it! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>